Before I met my husband, I’d never …
Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love, though I’d stepped in it…
I got kicked out of ballet class …
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t…
I love being married. It’s so great …
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want…
I was a vegetarian until I started …
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
~ Rita Rudner
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I was going to have cosmetic surgery …
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was…
I wonder if other dogs think poodles …
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
~…
In Hollywood a marriage is a success …
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
~ Rita Rudner
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Most turkeys taste better the day after; …
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.
~…
My husband gave me a necklace. It’s …
My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but…
My mother buried three husbands, and two …
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
~ Rita Rudner…
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics …
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
~…
Someday I want to be rich. Some …
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect…