I don’t have a girlfriend. But I …
I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at…
I don’t own a cell phone or …
I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I…
I haven’t slept for ten days, because …
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
~ Mitch Hedberg…
I know a lot about cars. I …
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell…
I like rice. Rice is great if …
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
~…
I like to play blackjack. I’m not …
I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m addicted to sitting in…
I wanna hang a map of the …
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put…
I want to hang a map of …
I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m…
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know …
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
~ Mitch Hedberg
Buy…
The depressing thing about tennis is that …
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never…
With a stop light, green means ‘go’ …
With a stop light, green means ‘go’ and yellow means ‘slow down’. With a banana,…
You know, you can’t please all the …
You know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all…