A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry …
A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry – that’s Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island.
~…
Democracy means that anyone can grow up …
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow…
For three days after death hair and …
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper…
I was so naive as a kid …
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and…
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, …
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen…
If life was fair, Elvis would be …
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.…
Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her …
Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.
~ Johnny Carson
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Never continue in a job you don’t …
Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing,…
The Hollywood tradition I like best is …
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called “sucking up to the stars.”
~ Johnny…
Blow in it’s ear. …
Blow in it’s ear.
~ Johnny Carson
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I knew a man who gave up …
I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, and rich food. He was healthy…
Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, …
Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can – and will.
~ Johnny Carson…